Tuesday, December 15, 2009

the headless snowman & other funny tales

if you're a long-time follower of one-eyed wonder, you'll know b and i have been blessed to have some pretty crazy apartment-neighbors. [see: example a and example b.] most of these stories involve cats and odd pot-smoking single women.

in orem, we live on the top floor, so sadly there are no crazy cat ladies living above us. it has taken five months, but we've finally discovered something even better than a cat neighbor: the snowman drama downstairs.

we don't really know any of our neighbors here but have seen them around and delegated nicknames. the people who live directly below us are named 'ariel + husband' [the chick's name isn't actually ariel, but b heard her belting out the little mermaid soundtrack one day and it stuck]. they're nice enough; they let b borrow a wrench once, and we've smiled at each other in the parking lot.

ariel has a certain fondness for seasonal decor. every month we've lived here, her front step has been decorated with some trinket or other. scarecrow, labor day flag wreath, pilgrims, etc. a few weeks ago she put a snowman made out of white pumpkins next to her door. he was wearing a beanie and scarf and had a little painted face. not really my type of holiday display, but to each his/her own.

on sunday, we came home from church to find the snowman missing his scarf. there was also a note taped to his face in ariel's handwriting -- a full notebook-paper-page long. of course b and i read the whole thing; i SO wish i could recall the entire letter. it started off like this:

"to whom it may concern: i hope you are proud of what you've done! it's people like you that are ruining this country. why would you steal my snowman's scarf? that is rude and inconsiderate and i hope if you have children you teach them better morals than what you have. i like to put up holiday decorations and i don't know why that bothers you so much. you should leave other people alone!"

the note continued for the rest of the page; sorry i don't have more details. make them up in your head. we laughed about it and went inside and didn't think about it again [it's been in the 20s all week...we don't leave our apartment much].

yesterday i came home to eat lunch and the note was gone. also, the snowman's head was completely off and laying in the walkway! poor guy got beheaded. i was startled that the snowman war had come to blows like this. when i left to go back to work an hour later, his head was replaced.

and THEN. when i got home last night, the head was back on the sidewalk. we have a snowman civil war going on! i texted b the update and he requested a photo, which is what you see at the top of this post. poor little guy. i'm kind of hoping the next installment of this story involves a baseball bat, but i'll keep you posted.

p.s. just to keep things in the jovial mood, here's another humorous anecdote for you:
last night while we were sleeping b kicked/kneed me no less than four times. of course i kicked back every time, but i was still annoyed. this morning:
l: you're in trouble.
b: why?? what'd i do?
l: you kicked me the whole night last night!
b: sorry, i had a dream about hitler. what else do you expect me to do?


dietcokegrrl said...

Oh man, I hate dealing with all the apartment neighbor crap. Although this one is pretty funny.

Great stories--I miss you guys!

Brandon and Erica said...

hahha! ooh..please keep me posted with the snowman saga. Poor Ariel.

Also, the dialogue between you and Brandon was hilarious...Hitler? Sheesh, he must STILL dream in German.

Dionne said...

LoL, your neighbor is hilarious for leaving the note. Who leaves a note on a snowman, lol. But then again, who steals a scarf from a snowman. This is hilarious!

Jill said...

Loved the story. It's like something from a National Lampoons movie.

And with regard to your husband physically abusing you in his sleep...the first week we were married, Kenny bit me in the forehead while sleeping. Like you, I (gently) retaliated. He rolled over mumbling something about Andre the Giant having him in a Full Nelson and then fell asleep. Apparently he forgot all about it until the next morning when he noticed teeth marks on my head.

Good times.

Angela and Mike said...

haha, that story is awesome, but also a little scary. I hope they don't get mad and try to break into the apartment! Wow. Keep us updated. And, good job brandon for fighting hitler!

Chris and Paige Evans said...

Wow. Some people. I love that she wrote a note.

I have a bruise on my kneecap where Chris kicked me in his sleep the other night. I feel your pain.

sachia said...

I have some crazy neighbor stories but they involve midnight activities that I am too shy too post on your public blog.

Thanks for always making me laugh, where did you get that sense of humor? You funny mama...you funny.

Leandra said...

ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ahahahadkfsadlfjd! Is that for real? I am dying. Never have I been so happy to find a blog :)

jess and lacy said...

haha...man this was a funny post! I saw the snowman on the way to the cookie party and said a big "what the??" in my head. I wish I lived in an apt complex so I could witness some drama once in a while.

Rebecs said...

Gotta love neighbors, I have a few gems myself. So I got your mom's Christmas card! Ummmm, hello, so I avidly read your blog and no mention of what she mentioned in her card. Totally caught off guard, but a big HUGE C from me!! Feel free to delete this comment if this is TMI. I'll leave it at that for now.

Michelle said...

thanks so SO much for the laugh out loud episode. I loved the snowman war. Kyle loved the knee-kicking hitler conversation. I'm glad I can have a little L and B in my life to make things exciting.