Wednesday, August 25, 2010

growth spurt

so i'm pretty sure jacko is undergoing a 6-week-old growth spurt. yesterday he was crazy --acting totally unlike himself, totally whiny and fussy ALL day, eating and sleeping sporadically, screaming for hours. i felt like all our hard work at routines and scheduling had flown out the window. not only was i totally stressed and worn out, i felt so bad for the little guy who was obviously out of whack.

i was supposed to drive to california today with my sister & bro in law for a long vacation weekend while b is busy with MBA stuff, but decided last-minute not to go. i probably could have pulled it together and still gone, but if you think i felt good about driving 800 miles with a fussy kiddo who currently hates his car seat and wants to eat every two hours, you got another thing coming. another reason for me to be upset; kids are a lot harder to integrate into my regular life than i thought. i'm not nearly as independent as i used to be.

i've spent a lot of time crying [what else is new?] and second-guessing myself and everything i've ever done with the baby...even wondering WHY we decided to have this dang baby in the first place. parenting is crappy sometimes and a lot of hard work.

sorry for the downer post. so while trying not to feel sorry for myself, i've realized that parenting isn't all bad. at least i have b to help me, and at least jack is cute enough to make me forget how frustrating he can be. this is just a phase and hopefully we'll be back to regular life soon, right? i think this is a growth spurt for ME too, to help me work through these challenges and know that everything will be okay. and to realize that i am doing god's work in raising this little baby. [this talk gave me a lot of comfort.]

BUT. all is not lost. jack has been taking better naps today. i went for a run [3.5 miles, the longest i've gone since the pre-prego days] which felt SO good. and, my copy of mockingjay just arrived :) i guess i'll just keep moving and hope life gets a little happier.

10 comments:

Angela and Mike said...

I need to call you! Yes, parenting is sooooo frustrating and tiring and lame sometimes. And, it's okay to feel that way. It helps you regroup and get it back together. Jack will get better and better with the carseat/sleeping stuff every day...and in a few months he'll be sleepign through the night, eating only a few times a day, and you're life will be more back to normal (although never normal again obviously).

I cried a lot too, and I never cry...so you know it's hard stuff raising a little baby. You are doing a great job...and I get to see you next week so everything will be okay!

becca said...

hang in there! i'm sure you're a great mom.

LB3K said...

It gets better. . . I promise! By the second one, you will be wondering what you thought was so hard about the first-- cause it is so, so, so much easier! (prob, just cause you are now on 'baby time', instead of 'me time') Hope your day gets better! And keep up the schedule-- it will keep changing as babe grows, but they like having a schedule.

Season said...

Oh gracious! I feel your pain!! Weeks 6-8 were a nightmare for me. I don't blame you one bit for not going on your trip. Just a simple trip to Target was pushing it for me. And I would try to suppress the "why did I have this baby??" thoughts because I felt guilty—like I wasn't loving her if I thought it—but I'm pretty sure we all go through that. At least I hope so, haha. Don't worry though, no one can take care of Jack better than you—that's why he came to you!

Whitney Renee said...

this was deff the hardest stage for me I felt like I could never go anywhere b/c of the demanding schedule and then I felt like a bad mom for not doing anything...it's a vicious cycle but it will get SO MUCH BETTER soon I promise

dana said...

I would offer some great advice here but I'm not sure I have any to give and it really sounds you like you just need to vent. Seriously, sometimes writing my feelings down or just saying them outloud always makes me feel better. There are many days I wonder why I had kids too. Totally hear you there. Of course the really good times seem to outweigh the sacrifices. But being a parent is freaking hard.

And it's especially hard at the beginning to because your hormones are all over the place and you're totally sleep deprived. And though you're in the middle of it and telling you that 6 months down the road you'll look back and smile at this post.....well, it really doesn't help b/c right now, one day can feel like eternity. So, I guess my real advice is....go to the mall, stick jack in the baby bjorn or some other carrier where he's happy and enjoy a couple chocolates from Sees. Oh, and then walk around Forever 21 for an hour while he sleeps in the carrier. That often did the trick for me.

I'm glad you got to go for a run too! That always does wonders.

I hope tomorrow is a better day!

Leandra said...

I wanted to bring you cookies tonight to help with the growth spurt. Cookies help right? And I pulled out my recipe and started getting ingredients and then we didn't have any brown sugar. And then Jesse said go ask Lyndsey for B sugar but I didn't know if it was okay to get all the ingredients from you for the cookies I was making for you :). Long comment short, maybe tomorrow. Or maybe I'll just bring popcorn. We have lots of that.

Jenny said...

You're doing fine! Babies are hard, especially at this stage. It gets better, I promise. Being a mother can be downright miserable sometimes, and it's totally okay to feel that way. But, when they look up at you and give you a smile meant just for you, it totally makes up for the rest of it.

Jen said...

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. Babies are moody, finicky creatures indeed. It was nice to see you during your visit on Tuesday. Give me a yell if you ever want to get out and have lunch.

sachia said...

Uh huh, I love hearing about the downer days. It's the reality of life. Remember when I posted a downer post a long time ago and you wrote to me in my comment section...How bad can it be?? Welcome to the club honey, it can get bad!

I used to get on-line and shop until I had a wild man (that would be my husband)on my hands along with a screaming baby and no sleep and I looked around and decided that wasn't an ideal situation. I then moved on to getting out of the house and doing small play dates..and this my dear....SAVED ME. Seeing other moms face to face with a baby in a similiar stage of life and the comradery of the mommyhood stuff really worked miracles.