so i'm pretty sure jacko is undergoing a 6-week-old growth spurt. yesterday he was crazy --acting totally unlike himself, totally whiny and fussy ALL day, eating and sleeping sporadically, screaming for hours. i felt like all our hard work at routines and scheduling had flown out the window. not only was i totally stressed and worn out, i felt so bad for the little guy who was obviously out of whack.
i was supposed to drive to california today with my sister & bro in law for a long vacation weekend while b is busy with MBA stuff, but decided last-minute not to go. i probably could have pulled it together and still gone, but if you think i felt good about driving 800 miles with a fussy kiddo who currently hates his car seat and wants to eat every two hours, you got another thing coming. another reason for me to be upset; kids are a lot harder to integrate into my regular life than i thought. i'm not nearly as independent as i used to be.
i've spent a lot of time crying [what else is new?] and second-guessing myself and everything i've ever done with the baby...even wondering WHY we decided to have this dang baby in the first place. parenting is crappy sometimes and a lot of hard work.
sorry for the downer post. so while trying not to feel sorry for myself, i've realized that parenting isn't all bad. at least i have b to help me, and at least jack is cute enough to make me forget how frustrating he can be. this is just a phase and hopefully we'll be back to regular life soon, right? i think this is a growth spurt for ME too, to help me work through these challenges and know that everything will be okay. and to realize that i am doing god's work in raising this little baby. [this talk gave me a lot of comfort.]
BUT. all is not lost. jack has been taking better naps today. i went for a run [3.5 miles, the longest i've gone since the pre-prego days] which felt SO good. and, my copy of mockingjay just arrived :) i guess i'll just keep moving and hope life gets a little happier.