Saturday, January 10, 2009

get your feet away from me.

i hate feet. always have, always will. i don't think mine are very cute, and i'm slightly ticklish, so i've been pretty anti-touching, -looking and -allowing people anywhere near my feet throughout life.

in the meantime, however, i've seen PLENTY of other reasons [on other people] to make me hate feet even more. nasty things going on with toenails, surgery-requiring anomalies, all sorts of fungus. i won't go into great detail but let's just say the biggest form of torture imaginable to me would be to work as a pedicurist. YUCK.

which brings us to this morning, when i dutifully attended my yoga class. (yes! two weeks in a row! i am doing so great on my new year's resolution.) first of all we had a sub, which was fine, except she introduced herself by saying she was more of a pilates person (bad sign...i've had rough experiences w/ pilates) and THEN proceeded to direct the class without turning off the lights. yoga in full lighting? who does that?

so we're just warming up, doing all that downward dog and warrior pose stuff, and she has us lay down for some core work. the class was completely packed, like wall-to-wall yoga mats, and unfortunately my location toward the back ended up overpopulated by an annoying group of women who insisted on squeezing in to non-existent spaces AND speaking loudly in some asian dialect i could not understand.

then the directive comes to do leg circles, which i can only assume is a pilates thing. so there i am, trying to draw giant circles in the air with my pointed toe, breathing in on the out swoop and out on the in swoop, using my core, pushing my hips into the floor, trying to erase all distractions and outside thoughts.

and then a giant foot swoops down three inches from my face.

talk about destroying a chakra! i almost freaked out. you may also know that i don't have depth perception (if you didn't, i guess that's a post for another time), so who knows how close the foot actually was. but i was not happy. not to mention we still had eight more leg circles to do on that side. i could barely lift my leg off the ground, because i was so afraid the foot would come back and nail me right on the face. i'd have to drench my whole head in hydrogen peroxide if that happened.

yoga is a dangerous activity.

8 comments:

dietcokegrrl said...

Yuck. I hate feet too. So gross.

And leg circles? I've only done two yoga classes in my life, but I KNOW leg circles just aren't right...weird.

Hope next time is better. With no feet.

dana said...

Ewwwww. I don't like feet either.
I'm glad you were safe. And I forget about your dept perception. Crazy!

Mommy Of 2 said...

EWWWWWWWW! I feel your pain. Good for you doing yoga!!!

schnazdoodle said...

Feet are disgusting. I wish mine would disappear, too -- as they've become ugly since I've had to kick my sandals habit and actually wear shoes, which have just killed them. Sigh.

As for depth perception - I TOTALLY get you -- I think maybe it's the eye thing we share in common? Whenever I go to the eye doctor - they give me that depth perception "which circle stands out" test and I can't get past 5 or so. It's so bad... Forget 3D, too... I've only seen it once - and that was for the last Harry Potter movie. It was very exciting. LOL.

sweetsusan said...

What a terrible experience for you! I am surprised that you just didn't jump up and run out of that place. I would have been scared for life. You were brave enough to finish out the class--don't let an ugly, dirty, smelly foot ever stop you from attending your yoga class!

Jean said...

AAAAHHHH!! Gross. I hate feet too. Especially guy feet. Haha!

Dude, you are a prolific blogger. My Google Reader said that you've done 20 posts since I left. Rock on. I had to skim them, but I still gathered enough to know that you had a sweet holiday (cruise?!! nice!!) and that you saw cool stuff in Mexico and that you saw bacon-wrapped hot dogs at the parade. Totally awesome.

Angela and Mike said...

haha, what I horrifying experience! actually, I am not very afraid of feet and I'd even be okay touching those gross feet and looking at them. Weird? Probably. I'll make sure to not touch you with my feet or touch yours!

Tara said...

I'm still laughing as I type. That could totally be a Seinfeld episode!